All I saw today was attractive young people together with their attractive significant others. Seeing so many people my age happy, and unconcerned brought me down. Seeing love made me realize I'm missing something. I am not missing having a girl friend. I am missing a way to control my sexual energy and use it for creative purposes. Sexual transmutation. I have been unable to control my energy, my desire and channel that energy into a creative outlet. I've stopped thinking about girls as the end-all solution to my bouts of negative emotion. I need to take the dependancy of having a woman love me and learn to be stable alone. In order to do that I need to figure out a way I can express myself in a beneficial way. I don't think women are evil, and I still maintain the position that I will find a wonderful woman at some point in the future. Depending on the affection of another to feel stable seems a bit silly to me. I must continue to learn to be self-sustainable. For the first time in a very long while I'm going to.....draw! Time to force creativity to start flowing.