I haven't been "In the mood" to write, or do anything for that matter for far too long. Following how I've felt has led to me to procrastination on things that matter. I've slacked on housework, and now I'm about to move and am experiencing "crunch time". Following how I've felt also led me back to drinking. I've had an extremely hard time staying sober, and alcohol is winning the battle. I've been keeping up on my running and exercise, keeping up on my reading, but am still wasting large chunks of time playing video games. I leave for State Department in 7 days and haven't packed a single thing. One of the credo's I try to live by is "The things you feel most apprehensive about, are usually the most rewarding for you". That helps me eliminate worry about the unknown, and in my line of work there is a tremendous amount of unknown, and little that is actually "known". If I was a ship at sea, I feel like a small sailboat getting tossed around by a nasty ocean storm. Fruitless worry, and hard habits are still large parts of my personality. Humans absorb the traits of their environment, and take on pieces of the personalities they hang out with. Unfortunately my environment is a repetitive trap of ignorant testosterone driven douchebags, or the couch and I sharing another lonesome night. 3 more years until I can get back to myself. Get back home. Get back to Wenatchee. Wenatchee will never be just a town for me.