What I meant to say....

I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. I've done few things right. When I try to express myself I've had trouble maintaing a vision of myself, which leads me to embarrassment. Wenatchee is my home, and where I belong. ww. I put in 5 miles tonight, and was able to stop, look up, and see stars for the first time in a while. There aren't many stars visible on the east coast. I've always wondered who else is looking at the stars when I'm looking at them. When I was running I had freedom. I had had a purpose. I had a goal. It's when I sit and only have idle time that things start to deteriorate. I have a demon inside of me. I have something that wants me to die. Wants me to fail. From within this voice pressures me to do things wholesome boys shouldn't do. A presence inside guides my hand toward the destructive. "The dark passenger" they called it on Dexter. I've pondered what causes it, and why it happens to me. I've wasted far too much time being curious with the unexplainable. What I need to do to beat it is at the forefront of my thoughts. I've been alone, and will always be alone. I don't like myself. I've got a more than formidable opponent I'm going to need to fight. When I'm alone on the road moving through scenery I'm at peace. Running is my new addiction. Literature is my art. One day I'll have love and be complete. Randomness has been expressed and is out of me. Time to read Animal Farm.