A starting point?

Aug 3rd 08.
Complete isolation has given me the opportunity to think. To listen to myself.
No internet computer games, or hypnotic mainstream entertainment on the t.v.
The absolute thing I was afraid to have. Non-interupted lonliness.
Like when I was a boy living at home, just mom and I.

Suicide, depression, and self mutilation found it's way back into
my soul after being dormant for a long stint. Kept quiet through artificial
social satisfaction, and alcohol. The resurfacing of these demons allowed
me the opportunity to fight them off on my own terms, without the aid,
or masking of outside influences.

On the brink of an emotional revolution one thing remains a constant,
the fear associated with love is dwindling. Self-doubt, low self-esteem,
fear of failure, and inner critic seem to have lifted for a moment.

I see a future I want to be in. A moment I want to experience. It
involves Sheyla. A woman I'm not afraid to express to. In my heart I
know she will remove my fear of sex. I hope she is the one that can
unlock the chains binding me of feeling love again.

At this moment, I lie in my bed. Concioussness focused inward. Trying
to author deep emotions into an enjoyable read. One thing I need no time
to understand is the greatest thing I'll ever know is just to love, and
be loved in return. That last part comes with the first part. Just
takes a little time to come back.




Aug 9
Well that shit didn't last long. Go hang yourself pussy. Hahaha i'm fuckin' crazy. (I was very drunk)