Truth

Am I really so fucking needy?

Look around. All the insects are marching along, in unison with nature, moving right along. Friends are resting happily,
Loved ones sharing each other's company. Everything, content, satisfied, Living.

I sit here another night, week, month, year. Empty, waiting. One-minded, scared, bitter.

Let's have fun with exploration! The love you give is the love you receive. That sure sounds swell.

I can see it. I can see the circular patterns of history, time bending on itself, over and over. The planet
harbors a secret. I've slipped through one of the cracks. That is why I appear differently. Eyes see me,
but humans feel what their eyes don't believe. That is the anomoly. THAT is what makes me different.

The wavelenghts show me as something different than what their minds believe. Their hearts and minds disagree.
A feeling they can't describe. A question they can't ask. They'll never understand it.

Unable to receive love. How can that be? Let's go back. Beat up by brother, sisters. Brothers friends. Had friends,
which moved on. T.j., lane, brian, jared, stephan, matt. The list continues. All, moved on. Females....18 years, never
had an emotional connection. The first time it's made, snapped. Pressured to believe comfort was disgraceful at a young age.

Intuition, but unable to see it clearly. Vision, lacking courage. Holes throughout the soul. Afraid. Scared. Coward.








Providing love the best capable, to the only people left to trust. With these people, lives my only ability left to trust.
Can I ever believe in myself again? Will I ever be able to break through of my current mind. Erode away the demon's habits.
Shatter these chains!! Shatter these boundaries!! Pain. Pain...Pain.....will be the answer. Trust it. It's never lied to you.
If there were no rewards to reap, no desire to heal, down this tedious road I've chose, I definately would have walked away by now.

Until I can.....
Pain....